Author Archives: alwayssonny

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Brandon Haynes, OG, Senior

6’3, 303, Cedar Hill, Texas

Background: CSU signed Haynes back in the 2009 class, he picked the Rams over an offer from Northwestern (State). He’s a pretty good athlete and won quite a few track meets in high school in shot put. He redshirted his freshman year in Fort Collins and competed on the Track & Field team that season.

He was a key reserve his redshirt freshman and sophomore years, filling in for injured starters.

Last year: Started 7 games at guard, competed for playing time with Ty Sambrailo.

This year: I dunno. With tackle Joe Caprioglio graduating, the line might shift around. Sambrailo might be the full time tackle now, leaving the guard spot open for Haynes. Zerblis might play center, and Weston Richburg could move out to guard or tackle; leaving Haynes the odd man out.

It’s kind of pointless to speculate because I know nothing about offensive line play (a theme of this blog) and injuries will most likely force the Rams’ hand during the season in regards to who starts and who doesn’t.

Top five most common starting units on the offensive line last year:

  • Caprioglio, Sambrailo, Richburg, Gragert, Biard (5 games, 1-4)
  • Caprioglio, Haynes, Richburg, Gragert, Biard (2 games, 1-1)
  • Caprioglio, Haynes, Richburg, Gragert, Sambrailo (2 games, 1-1)
  • Sambrailo, Haynes, Richburg, Gragert, Biard (2 games, 0-2)
  • Caprioglio, Haynes, Richburg, Sambrailo, Biard (1 game, 1-0)

The 75th result of a Google Image Search of “Brandon Haynes”:

This the profile picture of some guys MySpace page. Remember MySpace? I used to have the best profile with carefully selected backgrounds, fonts, and soundtrack.

I look how this guy has his seatbelt on in this picture. Safety first! I can proudly say that I have never taken a selfie of myself in a car.

Coming tomorrow: #74 Mason Hathaway

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Nick Callender, OL, Senior

6’5, 285, Hayward, California

Background: Nick was part of Coach McElwain’s first class. He picked the Rams over reported offers from San Diego State, New Mexico State, and Sacramento State. Yes, the same Sacramento State team that beat UC-Boulder. Why does everyone keep bringing that up? Sacramento State, a shitty FCS school that would go on to end their season at 6-5? Going into Boulder and winning on a last second field goal by a walk-on kicker? Why do we always need to recap that?

Anyway, Callender went to St Mary’s College High School. What the hell kind of name is that? It’s like getting a bachelor’s degree from Loyola Marymount Graduate Undergrad College.

I really like Nick Callender because that’s how the word “calendar” should be spelled; sparing me the humiliation of missing it in front of the entire school during the 3rd grade spelling bee.

Last year: Got his red shirt on.

This year: I don’t see him breaking into the rotation.

Top five pies from Marie Callender’s:

5) Double Cream Blueberry

4) Razzleberry

3) Kahlua Cream Cheese

2) Lemon Meringue

1) Banana Cream

The 76th result of a Google Image Search of “Nick Callender”:

I honestly have no idea what is going on. I can’t even guess. This photograph is by some guy named Nick Knight who is described as a “visionary”.

Coming tomorrow: #75 Brandon Haynes

Day 77- Let’s get bitter

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With the news of Jyaz Jones not honoring his commitment, I’m going to look back on some other decommits we’ve had over the past couple years and take it way too personally:

Tyler Shreve, QB, Utah- This little baby didn’t want to compete with Pete Thomas so we went to Utah. In the meantime, he punched a coach in the face. Now he’s at Riverside Community College, or some garbage school like that.

Jansen Watson, DB, Iowa State- I couldn’t find “backstabber” anywhere on his bio at Iowa State’s website, but I did find that Jansen didn’t start a game until his redshirt junior year. He would have played right away in Fort Collins, but it must have been fun sitting the bench for a shitty Cyclones team in Ames, Iowa. Good luck on getting those five years of your life back, Jansen.

Adarius Rayner, DL, Indiana- Adarius, who obviously doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “commitment” broke the hearts of Fort Collins by betraying us and choosing Indiana instead. Now he has to wear this during games:

Karma.

Rashawde Myers, DL, Marshall- I can’t blame Rashawde for changing allegiances to Marshall and Conference USA. I mean, who wouldn’t want to play Old Dominion, UNC-Charlotte, UTSA, Western Kentucky, Florida Atlantic, AND Florida International. A big part of me wishes that Colorado State could take departing Tulsa’s spot in the powerhouse conference. Incredible decision making, Rashawde!

Timothy Coleman, DL, Colorado- After all we’ve been through. The ups and downs of recruitment, coaching changes, knee injuries… this is how you repay us? Really Timothy?  And you call yourself a role model.

I’m not even mad. I’m just hurt. I have no idea how you look in the mirror.

Have fun going 1-11 with Mantits MacIntyre and the rest of the gang.

The Brothers Jones, Iowa- I have nothing to say other than, I’LL SEE YOU TWO IN HELL!

Coming tomorrow: I grow up, and we take a quick look at Nick Callender.

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Jared Biard, OT, Senior

6’7, 320, League City, Texas

Background: Biard was part of Coach Fairchild’s first full recruiting classes and picked CSU over an offer from UTEP. He was a redshirt his first year and played in a handful of games his redshirt freshman year. He was looking good during his sophomore season, but his knee exploded during spring camp.

He is the only Ram with a parody Twitter account, which is ran by some guy who looks exactly like Jared Biard, but with an exquisite mustache.

Last year: Started 10 games at Tackle. I’m not going to pretend that I know anything about offensive line play, so I’m going to grade his performance as “Satisfactory”.

This year: Slated to be back in the starting lineup at Tackle. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty optimistic about this group and all the seniors involved.

I’m not going to pretend like I know much about offensive line play; so I don’t know if he’s going to play right or left tackle. I also don’t know if CSU is running the system that Fairchild ran where there wasn’t Left or Right, but strong side and weak side; and the tackles would flip-flop depending on the formation. I also don’t if that’s exactly how the system worked. I just don’t now, SO BACK OFF!

Top five stupid things Steve Fairchild did, just off the top of my head:

5) Didn’t have Grant Stucker run more.

4) That time against TCU where he was spiking clipboards on the ground and acting like a lunatic.

3) His preference for generic gray windbreakers on game day.

2) Music at practice.

1) The Larry Kerr Bromance.

I could go on all day, so I’m glad I limited this to five.

The 78th result of a Google Image Search of “Jared Biard”:

This little dweeb is some guy named Romain Biard. He is 29 and from Paris, France. I have nothing else to say.

Coming tomorrow: There is no #77, so I’ll make something up.

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Marty St. John, OL, Junior

6’4, 290, Aurora, Colorado

Background: Marty went to high school at Smoky Hill in Aurora where he played football, soccer, and lacrosse. After that he went to something called Southwestern Assemblies of God University in Texas. SAGU is an NAIA school, and I think Marty went there to play football.

If I could assemble four gods to have over for dinner and drinks; I’d go with:

Ashta Lakshmi- The Hindu goddess of wealth, prosperity, good health, knowledge, strength, progeny, and power. She could offer us some good tips to living well, and then cover the bill.

Loki- The Norse god of trickery, lies, and mischief would have some great stories; like the time he cut off the hair of Thor’s wife. Classic Loki.

Aphrodite- Because having hot, semi-nude girls at your parties is typically a good thing.

Bes- He is a dwarf demigod from Ancient Egypt. He’s the protector of households, and he’s basically there to make sure Loki doesn’t mess with my stuff.

(It should also be noted that the Inca god Coniraya would never be invited because of the time he turned his sperm into fruit and gave it to some lady to eat. You’re not pulling that shit at my parties, Coniraya!)

Last year: I’m trying to figure out Marty’s path to the football team. It looks like he left SW Assemblies in 2011. He’s listed on the WORLD CHAMPION CSU LACROSSE team’s 2012 roster as a redshirt.

I know that Coach McElwain’s first order of business was to hold an open tryout for big guys on campus after he saw that the Rams didn’t have any meat on the lines. (Thanks, Coach Fair!) I can’t find an article to confirm, but I’m assuming that St. John was in that group of walk-ons.

This year: I’m guessing a year on the varsity reserve.

Top five St. John’s:

5) The Knights of St John- one of the most well known military orders from the Middle Ages; killed a bunch of people during the Crusades. In your face, Islam!

4) St John’s Wort- an herbal medicine that is supposed to treat depression. How nice!

3) St John’s University- I’m indifferent about the actual university; but the basketball team plays some of their home games at Madison Square Garden; which is awesome.

2) John the Apostle- All this stuff is named after him, so he must have been a cool dude.

1) St John, US Virgin Islands- My friends and I spent a week there. It was lovely.

The 79th result of a Google Image Search of “Marty St. John”:

This cartoon appeared in the Toledo Blade with an article listing the All-Area Football team (featuring a couple players from St John High School).

Methinks the Toledo Blade screwed up.

Coming tomorrow: Jared Biard!

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Johnny Schupp, DE, Freshman

6’4, 250, Vacaville, California

Background: Schupp was part of Coach McElwain’s first class and showed Ram fans the template for future CSU recruits: guys around 6’4, over 240 pounds, and no real idea what position they’ll play. In high school Schupp played on both lines and was brought in to CSU as a tight end prospect. He has since been moved to the defensive line.

LaRyan King also went to Vacaville High School…so… Vacaville Pipeline??

Last year: Redshirted.

This year: I don’t know if he’ll get into the defensive line rotation. What I do know is that I want to watch highlights of this guy:

Top five famous Johnny’s:

  • Bench
  • Unitas
  • Carson
  • Depp
  • Cash

The 80th result of a Google Image Search of “Johnny Schupp”:

This is former 49er Kwame Harris’ mugshot from the time he got arrested for assaulting his former boyfriend. They got into a fight about soy sauce. This is absolutely a true story.

Unfortunately, this came up in a Google search because Schupp is listed on a website that keeps track of athlete arrests. Schupp got booked by campus police in April. Come on, Johnny! Be Bold!

Also wearing #80: Cameron Sandoval, TE, Freshman

Cameron went to Grandview High School in Aurora. I personally know a guy named Cameron who went to Grandview High School in Aurora. After some investigative reporting, I can confirm that the Cameron I know is not this Cameron. The Grandview Cameron I know lays concrete.

Coming tomorrow: It’s Marty St. John!

 

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Jordan White, WR, Freshman

6’4, 205, Palm Springs, California

Background: With all the hoopla surrounding redshirt Freshman receiver Jordon (Vaden), some folks forget about the other redshirt Freshman receiver Jordan (White).

White signed with CSU late in the recruiting period. He came on board around the same time that a bunch of walk-ons were announced; so I had to double-check, but I’m certain that he is on scholarship.

His high school football team won all kinds of championships, which is news to me because I didn’t know there was anything in Palm Springs other than old people, golf courses, and swimming pools.

Last year: Redshirted.

This year: It’s hard to say if he’ll play or not. He definitely has the size the Rams need on the outside, but he might not have the speed. (The initial stories about his recruitment to CSU had him listed as a TE/H-Back.) He’ll have a lot of competition from Vaden and all the 6’4 freshmen coming in; but the spot is completely wide open.

Top five celebrity street names in Palm Springs:

5) Dinah Shore Drive

4) Frank Sinatra Drive

3) Jack Benny Road

2) Gene Autry Trail

1) Bob Hope Drive

The 81st result of a Google Image Search of “Jordan White”:

It’s a pair of white Jordans! This is the Air Jordan Retro 4 which came out in February 2012. At the time they retailed for $160, and where one of the most highly anticipated shoes released of the last year. (According to the internet.)

Coming tomorrow: We’ve got two #80′s on the roster: DL Johnny Schupp and TE Cameron Sandoval.

CSU Football Recruiting: Trey Smith is fast

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As we’ve all heard by now, Trey Smith out of Douglas County HS gave a verbal to Rams over the weekend. The thing that stands out the most about Trey compared to the other commitments we’ve gotten so far is that Smith actually has game tape on the internet.

I looked at all the highlights I could find, so you don’t have to! What I found was that he isn’t going to juke anyone, but he’ll take it the distance if he has a seam to run through. He’s only 170 pounds, but if he puts weight on; he could turn into Joe Brown in Fast Forward.

I compiled over a minute of Trey Smith running away from people:

Day 82: Top 5 hits of the YouTube era

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Since there is no #82 on the roster, I figured I’d go through YouTube and find the five best hits. These might not be the best hits over the past decade; but they are the best hits that can be found on YouTube.

I am only one man, so if I missed one; feel free to send the link my way.

5- Austin Gray vs Utah State

This hit from last year could have been higher, but comes in at number five because Gray was penalized on the play. He did lay the guy out though, which was pretty awesome.

Link to the full video.

4- Guy Miller vs New Mexico

So many good memories of Guy Miller’s reign of terror from the 2010 season; from his 4 1/2 sack performance against UNLV, to this crunching hit on B.R. Holbrook. This is classic Guy Miller, tossing the Guard aside and knocking Holbrook out with a separated shoulder. B.R.’s helmet flying off is also a nice touch. I don’t usually feel bad for opponents, but I genuinely felt bad for Holbrook that day.

The hit loses points though because CSU was terrible that year, and this game was pretty meaningless.

Link to the full video.

3- Mike Orakpo vs UNLV

Mike Orakpo knocked this guy’s head off! He’s just a freshman! He has a famous brother! NFL BOUND!

Whatever happened to that guy?

This hit is probably the most aesthetically pleasing being near the goal line and the helmet flying through the air; but it came for a bad team in a meaningless game.

Link to the full video.

2- Ben Stratton vs Wyoming

This hit is the stuff of legend, and I had the hardest time finding it until I dove into the video archives of CSURams.com. Technically, it shouldn’t be on the list because it’s not on YouTube, but I had to include it. The hit is from the 2004 Border War, a game the Rams won 30-7. Wyoming-native Ben Stratton laid some Poke out and some say that the Wyoming player spit out a couple teeth on the 50.

Link to the full video.

1- Elijah-Blu Smith vs Colorado

This play was spectacular for so many reasons. First, it comes in a rivalry game; and one that CSU happened to win in the Republic. Second, the play wasn’t only a nice hit; it was crucial in CSU’s victory. Third, Scotty McKnight is a douche. Fourth, the comments on the YouTube video are hilarious, topped by this gem:

all u jerks just shut up ur mouth elijah blue is my hero so dont make fun of my hero or i will cast a spell on u that will make u go poo poo sideways u stupid heads :(

I really want to believe some 12 year old kid wrote that and is completely serious, and not just some guy trolling.

And while I love to see Ram opponents get destroyed on the field, the use of “Paralyzer” as the music for the video was a shaky decision.

Link to full video.

Honorable Mention: Robert Herbert vs Navy

I have watched this video 100 times over the years, and now it’s gone! The play is from the nightmare that was the 2005 Poinsettia Bowl. The Navy QB runs an option to the right, fakes a pitch to the running back, and keeps it. The unsuspecting running back who didn’t receive a pitch jogs towards the sideline and gets annihilated by Robert Herbert. On the sideline, some tiny Midshipman who probably never plays protests Herbert’s hit with a foot-stomping temper tantrum.

The whole thing is glorious, but I can’t find it anywhere. I’m including it in this list in hopes that someone has a copy.

And while we’re discussing hard hitting cornerbacks, here is incoming freshman Justin Sweet obliterating some kid on a national TV:

Link to full video.

Coming tomorrow: Back to the regular countdown and #81 Jordan White.

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Chris Robinson, WR, Senior

6’4, 170, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Background: Did I miss a story on this guy along the way? How did someone from Florida end up playing five years of college football for CSU while never being on scholarship? Does he have family out here or something?

I have to commend the guy for sticking it out here so long. From time to time you see walk-on players from out of state and they usually last a year or so. And it’s not like the guy came to CSU to be a vet or to major in landscape architecture; he’s a social work major. He could have gone anywhere to be a social work major. Seriously, what is this guys story? Hey Kelly Lyell, Mike Brohard, Matt Stephens, Chris Dempsey; somebody get on it!

Last year: Varsity reserve.

This year: Varsity reserve.

Top five Rams with incredible hair (in no particular order):

Chris Robinson

Calvin Tonga

Eli Edwards

Fred Zerblis

Aaron Davis

The 83rd result of a Google Image Search of “Chris Robinson”:

Chris Robinson is the lead singer of the Black Crowes and dominates any Google search for the name Chris Robinson. If I end up doing something shady like insurance fraud or porn; I’m going to use Chris Robinson as my pseudonym because no one will be able to find me on the internet.

Coming tomorrow: There isn’t a #82 on the roster right now, so I’ll have to think of something else.