Dirk Nelson • Offensive Line •  Freshman • Visalia, CA

^{(I’m cheating again today. No Ram has number 72 after TJ Storment transferred. By the way, do you know what the “TJ” stands for? Benedict Arnold. Anyway, both Dirk Nelson and Brian Crespo wore 71 in high school, so I’m going to pretend one of them will wear number 72 at CSU.)}

So far: Nelson was another highly recruited interior lineman who picked Colorado State over a bunch of offers. I can’t help but overrate Nelson because he checks all my boxes for O-line recruits:

1. Offers- A bunch of Mountain West schools, a couple service academies, a bunch of Ivy League schools, and a random PAC-12 offer that’s probably not real. Those are exactly the types of offers you want to see when someone commits to CSU.
2. Good at other shit- He lettered in Track & Field and Baseball along with being all-state in football. You’d like to see “all-state wrestler” as well, but he set his school record in shot put, so that’s good enough.
3. Offensive lineman hair- Some of our all time great offensive lineman had that disheveled look of long hair and a patchy beard. For some reason, that makes my confidence in their abilities go up 100%. These guys don’t have time for grooming or sock laundry, they’re just here to point out mike linebackers and put defenders on their backs. I’m talking about guys like Ty Sambrailo, Trae Moxely, Fred Zerblis.

So based on those completely arbitrary things, I have Nelson penciled in as a four year starter at center or guard. Or both. He’s that good.

What’s next: Probably a redshirt year because I don’t know anything.

Brewery Nearest to Visalia, California: BarrelHouse Brewing

Lowest Yelp Review for BarrelHouse:

Jesus christ, Evan H from Morro Bay. Do you need posted instructions to tie your shoes? Brush your teeth? Imagine going to a brewery and just sitting there for 15 minutes. 15 minutes is a looong time. He even mentions in the review that there is no waitstaff! Maybe connect the dots there, Evan H? It’s pretty funny to imagine Evan H hunting all ends of the brewery for “posted instructions for ordering”, not finding any, and leaving the bar in frustration. Evan H, maybe you could find posted instructions about putting on your big boy pants and go ask a fucking person.

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Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #45
2019 Wyoming

• Final Score: Colorado State 7, Wyoming 17
• Line: Colorado State +4.5
• Venue: War Memorial Stadium

We did it, we made it through all the Border War losses!

This one was probably the most “ho-hum” of the Border War defeats, I couldn’t even think of a nickname for it. This loss isn’t as bad as others because the Rams were playing out the stretch of Mike Bobo’s final season and we all knew that the Rams had zero chance of winning this game. All Games Are Trophy Games^TM!

Wyoming came into the game with an ineffective starting quarterback because their regular starter got hurt. Then that guy got hurt and a true freshman backup came in for the first time in his college career. Didn’t matter! Wyoming ran all over us to the tune of 192 yards on 50 carries. Our stalwart Rams managed 48 rushing yards on 30 carries for a sterling 1.6 yards per carry.

The most important play of the game was a big gainer to Trey McBride that would have put us inside the Wyoming 20, but an ineligible receiver penalty by Scott Brooks negated it.

Lol, yeah… your center can’t do that.

The Rams would keep driving and eventually stall on the 32 yard line. 4th-and-2, 10 degree weather, what should the Rams do? Well, it wouldn’t be a Mike Bobo loss without a boner in the kicking game, so lets send out Braxton Davis for a 50 yarder that he has zero chance of making.

I’m no mathematician, but I’m guessing the odds of picking up 2 yards is better than nailing a 50-yard field goal in a freezer.

Wyoming adds a field goal to make it a two score game, and game over.

This would end up as Coach Bobo’s 12th consecutive loss in a rivalry game. He’d end his CSU career at 2-13 in rivalry games.

If you hate yourself, and I mean it this time, if you really, really hate yourself, you can watch the game here: