Trey McBride • Junior • Tight End • Fort Morgan, CO

So far: McBride was about as highly recruited as they come, receiving offers from Cal, Colorado (Boulder), Colorado (Northern), Kansas State, Navy, and Wyoming (lol). Lucky for us, Trey decided to follow his older brother to Fort Collins.

He was as advertised, bursting onto the scene with a long TD vs Florida in his freshman year. He truly broke out in 2019, getting on the Mackey Award watch list and earning All-MWC first team as a Sophomore.

McBride has been a complete home run recruit. He can work the outside or the middle of the field, has speed to beat people deep, he can catch the ball in traffic, and he can block. One of those rare guys who doesn’t really have a weakness.

And one of the best things about him is that he doesn’t seem to score ordinary touchdowns, they’re all big gains or brokens tackles or a combination of the two. Ranking McBride’s touchdowns purely on aesthetics:

5. Down the seam vs New Mexico

4. Down the seam vs Florida

3. Misdirection vs Air Force

2. Straight Arm/Bowling Pins vs Boise State

1. Hurdle vs Fresno State

What’s next: I can’t remember this much hype for a tight end since Kory Sperry returned for his 9th year of eligibility back in 2008. My enthusiasm is a bit tempered though. Nothing to do with McBride and more to do with the abundance of mouths to feed in the CSU offense and the depth at the TE position.

I’m guessing that McBride’s stats improve over last year’s (45 catches, 560 yards and four touchdowns), but not by a ton. Then the biggest question becomes: does McBride come back for his senior season or enter the NFL draft? Or perhaps the NBA draft?

Brewery nearest to Fort Morgan, Colorado: Broken Plow Brewery in Greeley.

Once again, there is no brewery in Fort Morgan so if anyone out there is looking for a place to open one, here’s your chance.

Lowest Yelp review for Broken Plow:

I feel Mike W’s pain here. We’ve all been there: step away for a phone call or a bathroom break, only to come back to find the table cleared. So frustrating.

BUT! There is more to the story! The owner of the brewery responds:

Turns out Mike W was fucking hammered! Cut off! God I love the internet.

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #53

2018 Utah State, The Illegal Touching Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 24, Utah State 29
• Line: Colorado State +29.5
• Venue: Canvas Stadium

I had trouble ranking this game because there were absolutely zero stakes going into it and the loss was to a quality opponent. But the ending… oh the ending.

The Rams were running out the stretch of an awful 3-8 season and while USU is a Mountain Division opponent, they’re not exactly a rival. The biggest motivation was that CSU had the opportunity to beat a ranked opponent for the first time since 2002. (2002!!!!)

And what did CSU do with this golden opportunity?

Utah State scored their first touchdown on a 95-yard pick six from an errant Collin Hill pass that was tipped by Preston Williams. Their second touchdown was also a pick six on a pass that Hill threw behind his receiver. Two fluky touchdowns, neither given up by the defense.

Meanwhile, super star, pretty boy, all-world quarterback Jordan Love was held in check all game long by a surprisingly stout CSU defense. That is until they decided to gift the Blue Aggies a touchdown:

Down 29-24 with 8 seconds left in the game, the Rams had one last chance to pull out a win. Drew Goodman with the call:

Is there a more brutal way to lose a game than that? What a gut punch. The fact that the ref throws his hat and not a flag so the penalty isn’t seen right away is just the chef’s kiss of shitty ways to lose a game.

After this game I swore I was done with CSU football. I wan’t mad or anything, I just had a heart-to-heart with myself and decided I would no longer voluntarily put myself through this shit. (The prohibition lasted two days.)

Here’s a condensed version of the game if you want to voluntarily put yourself through this shit:

Ross Reiter • Long Snapper • Junior • Phoenix, AZ

So far: Is Ross Reiter the best player on the team? Perhaps the greatest recruit of Coach Bobo’s regime? You may scoff at the suggestion because he’s a long snapper, but if we’re grading on the curve, why not? He started as a true freshman, has played in every game, and hasn’t screwed up. And according to the official roster, the dude grew an inch and lost five pounds. Who’s living a better life than Ross Reiter?

Add in the sweet ‘stache…

…and you’re looking at the best player on the team. Period.

What’s next: I don’t know, how about another year of excellence and perfection? (I hope I’m not going overboard with this. If Reiter sails a snap over Ryan Stonehouse’s head, I guess you can blame me.)

Brewery nearest Phoenix, Arizona: Sunup Brewing Company

According to their website, they won a Bronze medal at the Great American Beer Festival! Remember the Great American Beer Festival? That thing people used to go to in the Before Times in The Long Long Ago?

Lowest Yelp Review for Sunup Brewing:

I came up with about five or six versions of a joke involving the offensive term said by the waitress and that exact term appearing in my internet search history. Then I came to the conclusion that I’m definitely not funny enough to pull off that kind of joke.

Ranking the Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #54

2016 Air Force, The Other No Punt Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 46, Air Force 49
• Line: Air Force -7
• Venue: Falcon Stadium

If I told you that if the Rams had a 300-yard passer, a 100-yard rusher, a 200-yard receiver, were even on turnovers, and had no punts; you’d probably bet that the Rams won the game, right? But if I also told you that we missed two field goals, had a turnover on downs, and happened to be playing in our house of horrors- Falcon Stadium- then you might change that bet.

The game started as a typical Ram-Falcon showdown with neither defense showing much resistance. Rams were looking to go in to the half with a 24-21 lead until they were on the short end of one of the most ludicrous calls in the history of football.

Nick Stevens releases a pass and gets hit late and high by Air Force linebacker Grant Ross. The pass is intercepted by Air Force, but it’s obviously coming back due to the Ross penalty.

The referee calls a targeting penalty (important distinction there) and reviews it. They decide it’s not targeting, and since they didn’t call roughing the passer or a late hit, there is no penalty and the interception stands. They’d later explain that it wasn’t a late hit because the contact happened after the change of possession and was considered a legal block WHICH IS THE MOST INSANE, ASININE THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

So you’re tell me as 44 is launching himself through the air, he’s able to see with the eyes in the back of his head that a teammate intercepted the ball? Is it even possible that the ball was intercepted before contact was made? Spoiler alert, it isn’t:

Bottom line: the ref messed up by not calling the penalty correctly (roughing the passer with targeting) and had to come up with a ridiculous explanation weasel out of it.

Air Force gets gifted a short field, scores a TD and goes into half up 28-24.

Fast forward to the 4th quarter. CSU down three, ball on their own 20, two minutes left. Stevens hits Gallup for a big gainer and then…

It’s a strange feeling when your best player screws up at the end and loses the game. I’m not saying it was Gallup’s fault that we lost, he had over 200 yards and a bunch of huge plays. But when he’s stripped of the ball like that, you’re kind of left empty and speechless. Weird feeling. And would you look at who caused the fumble, cheatin-ass number 44 WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN EJECTED FROM THE GAME IN THE FIRST HALF!

This game sucked.

You can watch the game here. There were actually some decent moments so it might actually be worth the time:

Ryan Sayre • Wide Receiver • Redshirt Senior • Castle Rock, CO

So far: Sayre played at Douglas County High School, then Chadron State for two years, and then Colorado State. He hasn’t seen the field yet for the Rams.

What’s next: Does it matter? Sayre is already a big winner by upgrading from Chadron, Nebraska to Fort Collins. Everything else is icing on the cake at this point.

Brewery nearest Castle Rock, Colorado: Wild Blue Yonder Brewing

Wild Blue Yonder was founded by Air Force grads, which is unfortunate. Their website claims they’re Castle Rock’s “premiere brewpub” which is also unfortunate.

Lowest Yelp Review for Wild Blue Yonder:

Wait, what? A bunch of little kids humping each other while their parents watch? Like, literally or figuratively? Should Jenny T be writing a Yelp review or contacting the Douglas County Sheriff’s Department?

This is the second Castle Rock brewery on the countdown and the second one with a ton of one-star reviews. Remind me to never open a business in Castle Rock.

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #55

2016 Wyoming, The Gray Uniform Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 17, Wyoming 38
• Line: Colorado State -5.5
• Venue: Hughes Stadium

Unpopular opinion: I liked them. If the Rams didn’t deliver one of their most frustrating performances in recent memory, maybe more people would feel the same. I’m speaking of the gray uniforms, of course.

The Rams and their smokey duds got out to a 14-3 and everything felt right in Ram Nation. Little did we know everything was about to fall apart and both programs were set to go in opposite directions.

Here’s a brief recap of what happened next:

Okay, that’s probably enough. The rest of the game is just Brian Hill running it down our throats.

As I mentioned before, this game kind of served as a fork in the road for both programs. The Rams had won three straight Border Wars going into this one and would never win one again.

Wyoming would end the year 8-6, Craig Bohl’s first winning season at Wyoming. They’d go to the Poinsettia Bowl, their first bowl in five years. They haven’t finished a season with a losing record since.

There is one other play I wanted to talk about, but I can’t find the full version of this game online, so I don’t have a clip. If you remember the early days of the Bobo regime, he’d usually give a drive or two to the backup quarterback to run wildcat stuff. In 2015 it was Craig Leonard and in 2016 it was Faton Bauta (after Collin Hill won the starting job). The quirky thing about Bobo’s wildcat plays is that the quarterback never passed. They didn’t even look to pass. It was all 100% run plays. It wasn’t an RPO, it was just a RO.

That is until the third quarter of the 2016 Border War. The Rams, down 24-17, found themselves deep in Cowboy territory. 2nd-and-goal from the 6. Bauta comes into the game to run some Wildcat QB. Anyone who watched any film on the Rams knew that a run was coming. But not so fast! Nolan Peralta slips out of the backfield, he’s wide open in the endzone! Bauta passes the ball and….. it’s ten feet over Peralta’s head.

Coach Bobo had been setting up this play for over a year and a half. It worked to perfection and the players blew it. Next play, incomplete pass. 4th down shanked 24-yard field goal. Wyoming goes 80 yards for a score. 31-17, game over.

I can’t find the full version of the game anywhere, but here are highlights:

There is no number 88 on the roster this year. Recently the number has been worn by Griffin Hammer, but he’s not on the team any longer. I googled his name to see where he’s playing now and didn’t find anything, but this picture comes up when you google “griffin hammer” which I thought was funny:

Since there’s no 88, we’ll do a running back preview instead.

Coach: Brian White • Senior Associate Head Coach/Running Back Coach

Coach White followed Coach Addazio over from Boston College and his resume is damn impressive. He played quarterback at Harvard before he moved in to coaching. He was running back coach/offensive coordinator at Wisconsin for the good part of a decade, coaching guys like Ron Dayne (Heisman) and Michael Bennett (NFL first rounder and eventual bust on too many of my fantasy football teams). At one point he was named Assistant Coach of the Year by the American Football Coaches Association.

More impressive than all that are the cooking skills he shows off on his Twitter account. Coach White currently holds the title as the best Twitter follow on the coaching staff.

Coming Back:

Marcus McElroy, Senior – 370 yards, 3 TD’s, 4.6 YPC

A Colorado Recruit^TM, McElroy has shown flashes of what he can do, but has never put a stranglehold on the starting job. Could Coach Addazio’s smash mouth style untap McElroy’s full potential?

Jaylen Thomas, Sophomore – 222 yards, 3 TD’s, 3.3 YPC

Inclement weather moved the 2019 Spring Game inside and closed to the public, so I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who screamed “Who the hell is that?” when the first handoff of the Rocky Mountain Showdown went to the walk-on from Colorado Springs. Thomas ended up being the most versatile of the running back group and his usage went through the roof after the Marvin Kinsey dismissal.

I’m assuming he’s on scholarship now, but have never seen confirmation. He’s gotta be on scholarship, right? He’s a Colorado Recruit^TM, for hell’s sake!

Christian Hunter, Sophomore – 99 yards, 1 TD, 2.7 YPC

Malcom Magee, Redshirt Sophomore

Originally a defensive back, moved to running back last year. Jasen Oden, Jr was able to make that move a couple years ago with pretty good success. Maybe that’s the blueprint for Magee?

Tyreese Jackson, Redshirt Freshman

Played in one game on special teams.

Outta Here:

Marvin Kinsey Jr, Senior – Graduation/Dismissal

There is a trope in video games where there’s a character or a weapon that is overpowered but comes with drawbacks when you use it. Marvin Kinsey is the football playing manifestation of that trope. You want size and game breaking speed? Done, and you get some fumbles too. Conference leading production to go along with that natural talent? It’s yours, but you’ll never know if he’ll be available from week to week.

I’ll never forget watching Kinsey take the second play of the 1^st quarter 75 yards for a score. Razorback Stadium was in an uneasy silence after that, are these guys really going to beat us again. And I’ll never forget the first play of the 2^nd quarter, watching him fumble followed by the crowd doing that stupid pig chop suey chant. Classic Kinsey.

New to Fort Collins:

Kyjuan Herndon, Jacksonville, FL

Herndon originally committed to Ole Miss but backed out when their coach was fired. He later committed to Maryland but that fell through as well. CSU was able to swoop in and get his commitment in a pleasant Signing Day surprise.

Who is the Wildcard of the group?

Herndon

He may be a true freshman, but Herndon enrolled early and was on campus for Spring ball. Could his abbreviated spring and Power 5 pedigree launch him to the top of the depth chart? Could he join Cecil Sapp, Gartrell Johnson, and Dee Hart as CSU’s next great running back out of Florida??? Is he Coach White’s next great running back????

The AlwaysSonny Prediction for the Running Backs

McElroy will begin the season as the bellcow, but the staff will work in more guys as they transition to getting more players experience for 2021. Herndon will look good in the second half of the season and set himself to be RB1 going into Spring 2021. While McElroy leads the team in scores, Jaylen Thomas will lead the running backs in yards from scrimmage. He will be on scholarship. Coach White tries Rocky Mountain Oysters at some point and puts it on his Twitter.

That’s all for the RB’s! The regular countdown will be back tomorrow with another classic loss from the 2016 season. Can you guess which one?

Kyle Helbig • Tight End • Redshirt Freshman • Broomfield, CO

So far: Another sweet, sweet Colorado Recruit^TM who chose the Rams over offers from Iowa State, Utah State, Air Force, Wyoming, and UNLV. Rejected offers from Air Force and Wyoming? What a legend.

He only played in a few games as a freshman and was eligible to redshirt. My only memory of him from last year was during Dante Wright’s TD run in the Rocky Mountain Showdown:

Look at Helbig out there throwing some blocks!

What’s next: Playing time is going to be pretty tough to come by in the tight end group with Trey McBride, Cameron Butler, and Gary Williams returning and Brian Polendey transferring in from Miami (FL). But Helbig showed enough as a true freshman to see the field in one of the biggest games of the season, so I wouldn’t count him out just yet.

I can’t help but feel that Helbig is a bit of a sleeper. He’s overshadowed by the stud upperclassmen on the roster, but he’s already proven that he can break into the TE rotation. In high school he was an absolute beast and so far in college he’s put on 30 pounds. Someone to keep an eye on.

Brewery nearest Broomfield, Colorado: 4 Noses Brewery

I’ll admit that I know nothing about this brewery and Broomfield in general. They do a really good job of describing their beers on their website though, I may have to take a road trip.

Lowest Yelp review for 4 Noses:

At first I thought Timothy M was a bot or a Russian when he said “They offered many choices and promoted their beer highly.” I’m not sure what “promoted their beer highly” is supposed to mean. I’ve been to a dispensary where they promoted their products highly, not a brewery.

I got back on the Timothy M bandwagon when he took issue with the fact that he couldn’t drink four beers at once. We’ve all been there Timothy, we’ve all been there. Well deserved one star review.

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #56

2016 Colorado, The Boat Race

• Final Score: Colorado State 7, Colorado 44
• Line: Colorado -7
• Venue: Sports Authority Field at Mile High

Is this game even worth recapping? It has got be to the least prepared a Mike Bobo team has ever been, which is kinda crazy considering it was the FIRST FUCKING GAME OF THE SEASON.

The game started off with two bad omens:

Watching Michael Gallup jog off the field with his logo on the wrong way made you wonder what other details were overlooked in the build up to one of the biggest games of the year.

Bad omen two:

Would you look at that shit? Three Rams have a chance at that ball, but it somehow ends up with a Buff and they go up 7-0. Coach Bobo should have just pulled the guys off the field and loaded up the buses on the spot.

One of the worst parts of the game is that it produced the Faton Bauta meme where he’s enthusiastically signaling a first down while the team is down 37-0. I’m not going to post the GIF here because we’ve all seen it before and we’ll continue to see it until the end of time. I wish I could burn it.

At the time the loss felt like the worst thing in the world, especially because the last two RMS’s were competitive and a blowout like this was totally unexpected. But knowing what we know now, the loss wasn’t as bad as it seems because that was a pretty good CU team. It was the only CU team with a winning record over the last decade and a half, which I think is worth mentioning again: CU has had only one winning season over the past decade and a half. In the past decade and a half, CU has finished with a winning record only one time. Once, is the number of times CU finished with a winning record over the last decade and a half. A team who has only had one winning record in the last decade and a half is CU.

Okay, I feel a little better now.

The full game is here if you hate yourself and want to watch it:

Casey Irons, Jr. • Defensive Line • Freshman • Gilmer, Texas

So far: We’ve finally reached the first true freshman on the countdown. Coach Bobo secured Irons’ commitment early in the process after a summer camp in Fort Collins. Irons also had offers from Kansas, North Texas, and Liberty Liberty Liberty.

It was so early in the process, Irons was actually the first commitment of the 2020 class. The first commitment always holds a special place in my heart and I like to keep track of them. Recent ones:

Xavier Goldsmith – 2019 – The cornerback out of Detroit committed way early, before the 2018 class even had their signing day. It was kind of confusing when he committed, is he for ’18 or ’19? The coaches didn’t even have a corny Twitter hashtag for the 2019 class yet. I guess he really wanted to be a Ram! He’ll be a redshirt freshman this year.

Nick Martin-Morman – 2018 – An athlete out of Louisiana, he ended up de-committing and I can’t find evidence of him playing anywhere else. Those ones kind of bum me out, I’m hoping it’s just bad Google-ing on my part and not a wasted opportunity on his part.

Sincere David – 2017 – It turns out David wasn’t Sincere when he broke Ram Nation’s heart and flipped to Ole Miss on Signing Day.

Collin Hill – 2016 – Bobo’s first recruit at CSU is also his first recruit at South Carolina.

Olabisi Johnson – 2015 – Colorado Recruit^TM from Bear Creek now playing in the pros. Colorado Recruits^TM remain undefeated.

What’s next: Typically you wouldn’t expect a true freshman DE to play right away, but if Coach Heater plays a 4-3, playing time at the DE spot opposite of Manny Jones is wide open.

Brewery nearest Gilmer, Texas: Gilmer Brewing Company

Gilmer Brewing’s website doesn’t say anything about their beers other than that they’re available to-go, which I guess is all that really matters during These Uncertain Times^TM.

Lowest Yelp Review for Gilmer Brewing:

Never trust anyone who spells flavor with a “u”, and don’t trust Nick G’s two star review. This place has live music, crawfish boils, and pork rinds made to order. That alone makes it a three star brewery.Their beer could taste like the water in a tire swing for all I care. Three stars!

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #57

2018 Illinois State, The FCS Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 19, Illinois State 35
• Line: Colorado State -4.5
• Venue: Canvas Stadium

Complete and utter domination at the hands of an average-at-best FCS team. No other way to describe it. If we’re looking at this purely from a football stand-point, this is probably the worst loss of the Mike Bobo Era. But the thing is, everyone kinda knew this was coming and we were mentally prepared to get our asses kicked by an FCS team.

And make no mistake, the game was a total laugher. This wasn’t one of those fluky FCS wins, the Fightin’ Redbirds would have beat us 9 time out of 10.

There are basically no highlights from this game. Adam Prentice trucked their kicker, which was pretty cool, but that’s about it:

That’s it! That’s the only highlight. The rest of the game checked most of the boxes for a typical CSU loss: multiple turnovers from the offense and none forced by the defense, wonky special teams play with a missed XP, defensive backs taking hilarious pursuit angles leading to big plays, and lets check in on that $500,000 Offensive Line:

That clip gets worse each time I watch it.

There is one silver lining from this game: Illinois State’s stud running back James Robinson wasn’t drafted and signed as an UDFA with the Jacksonville Jaguars. When he eventually works his way to the top of their depth chart, we’ll know to grab him off the fantasy football waiver wire immediately. Just imagine what a smug prick you’ll be to the rest of your league mates when you snatch the rookie sleeper of the year right from under their noses.

A condensed version of the game is here if you hate yourself and want to watch it:

There is no 91 on the roster (we sure Jan-Phillip can’t get another year? Dude was a beast) so today I will be doing the following gimmick: Famous Alumni Stock Watch!

Becky Hammon – Assistant Coach, San Antonio Spurs

On March 11^th, the Spurs were sitting at 27-36, four games out of the final playoff spot in the West. The longest streak of consecutive playoff appearances in American sports was in serious jeopardy. But thanks to a hilarious prank by Utah Jazz center Rudy Gobert, the NBA (and America) got shut down. Almost three months later, the NBA released their plans to re-start the season and it looks like Hammon will be enjoying a two-week, all-expenses paid vacation to Disney World! Usually you have to win something to get a trip to Disney World, but leave it to someone like Becky Hammon to come out a winner in all this mess. Stock up!

Jay Kornegay – Executive Vice President, SuperBook USA

All the reports about sports starting back up in the US is great news for the Executive VP of the best sports book in Las Vegas, nay THE WORLD. If you haven’t heard, SuperBook’s first venture outside of Las Vegas will be at the Lodge Casino. And if you haven’t heard, The Lodge Casino is Colorado’s first place for fun. (Look it up.)

Still undecided about which gambling app you’re going to use? Let’s go over the choices:

DraftKings- Based out of Boston and ran by a bunch of MassHoles- including the king of the MassHoles, Robert Craft- DraftKings usually gets in the news for the wrong reasons. Like the time one of their employees won $6 million on daily fantasy using insider information, or the other time two contestants from The Bachelor colluded to win a million bucks. Sounds like if you’re looking for a fair bet on DraftKings, you’re not going to have a happy ending.

FanDuel- I could dig into some dirt about FanDuel, but all you need to know is that one of their largest investors is Comcast, the literal devil.

BetMGM- These assholes are responsible for the 2006 demolition of the Boardwalk Hotel and Casino, the finest hotel and casino on Las Vegas Strip. Did I ever stay at the Boardwalk Hotel and Casino? No. But was the Boardwalk Hotel and Casino the type of place where for a couple bucks an Average Joe like myself could grab a Hamburger of the Future (basically a hamburger shaped like a hot dog), play some penny slots, and grab a free cocktail or two from the waitress? You bet it was.

And what did MGM replace Boardwalk with? A high-end shopping mall and a fucking Waldorf Astoria. This wasn’t just a demolition, this was a personal affront to me and every Joe Sixpack across this great country. Now they have the gall to ask us to download their gaming app?  Why? So they can buy Lambeau Field and turn it into a Four Seasons? These terrorists are never getting my business.

FoxBet- Because what Rupert Murdoch needs is more money. Hard pass.

So the choice is clear! When fall rolls around, if you’re not spending a good chunk of your paycheck at Jay Kornegay’s SportsBook on 5-team parlays and wacky prop bets, you’re not a true CSU Ram. Stock up!

Ben Pinkelman – Forward, USA Rugby Sevens

If 2020 hadn’t gone of the rails, Pinkelman would have just completed the final leg of the HSBC World Rugby Sevens series in Paris, and would be in idyllic Glendale, Colorado training with the Olympic rugby team in preparation for two weeks of debauchery with athletes from around the world in the infamous Olympic Village Olympic glory.

Pinkelman is only 25 years old and a stalwart of the USA 7’s team, so there’s no doubt he’ll make the trip to Japan in 2021, pandemic permitting. But for now…. Stock Down!

Clint Oldenburg – Associate Producer II, EA Sports

The 2020 Madden Bowl was won by a guy who put a punter at quarterback and didn’t throw a single pass the entire tournament. While I find that fucking hilarious, the Madden community was not amused. Being a former football player, EA Sports has made Oldenburg the face of their Madden development team. That exposure is nice when things are going well, but it also brings the wrath of the massive Madden community when things are going bad. Fortunately for Clint, the wrath of the Madden community is really nothing more than mean videos about him on Twitch, so there’s nothing to be worried about. Regardless, Stock Down!

Cory Gardner – Red Team, United States Senate

Polls haven’t been looking too hot for this class of ’97 alum, but Cory’s likely democratic opponent is currently a fugitive from justice. I don’t know much about politics, but that’s gotta be worth a couple points in the polls, right? Could Gardner somehow pull off a November upset and become the Steve Lavin of the US Senate? Stock up!

Walter Scott Jr – Billionaire

Yep, still a billionaire. Holding Steady!

Rashard Higgins – Wide Receiver, Cleveland Browns

Ram Nation’s jaws hit the floor when word came out that Hollywood re-signed with the Browns, even though it was reported that other teams were interested AND OFFERING MORE MONEY! What the hell is going on here? Is this what Stockholm Syndrome is? Should we send someone to Higgins’ house to make sure he’s okay? Stock(holm) Down!

Thus concludes the Famous Alumni Stock Watch. The regular countdown will resume tomorrow.

Livingston Paogofie • Defensive Line • Senior • Arlington, TX

So far: Paogofie is a bit of an unsung hero on the d-line, spending his first three seasons as a rotational guy. He usually comes in at the tackle spot, occupying blockers 50 pounds heavier. It’s a bit of a role change compared to his high school career where he played DE/OLB, was more of a disrupter, and was named his district’s defensive player of the year. He’s been extremely durable, playing in at least 11 games his freshman, sophomore, and junior seasons.

What’s ahead: Probably more of the same in 2020. Not sure what Coach Heater has in store, but Paogofie can rotate in as a 4-3 DT or a 3-4 DE so he’ll see the field quite a bit either way.

Brewery nearest Arlington, Texas: Legal Draft Beer Company

(I’m going to pretend I’m Coach Thorson on Twitter real fast…)

Take Note Ram Nation: Legal Draft Beer Company is less than a mile from AT&T Stadium. Keep that in mind for the Rams semi-final matchup in the Cotton Bowl. #grinderswin

Lowest Yelp Review for Legal Draft:

“Everything was going fine until the manager made my friend cry on her birthday” is probably not the type of review you’re hoping for. I’ve never ran a business though, so I dunno.

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #58

2015 Colorado, The Overtime Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 24, Colorado 27
• Line: Colorado -3.5
• Venue: Sports Authority Field at Mile High

In Coach Bobo’s first Rocky Mountain Showdown, he picked up on a habit that some previous coaches had made routine: bewildering losses to unbelievably shitty Colorado teams.

And no doubt about it, this Colorado team was god awful. 64th in scoring offense, 111th in total defense, 104th in penalties per game, 112th in turnover margin. A 4-7 team whose only wins were Colorado State, UMass (3-9), Nicholls State (3-8), and Oregon State (2-10).

I had to get up and take a walk around the room after typing that last paragraph.

The Rams got out to a 14-0 lead. At this point, CSU had scored 38 unanswered points against CU going back to the 2014 Rocky Mountain Showdown. “We finally did it,” I thought to myself, “we finally figured out that we’re the better team.” So this was probably all my fault.

If CSU weren’t their own worst enemy, they essentially could have ended the game in the 1st half. But thier next drives were: turnover on downs on the CU 24, missed field goal, interception, halftime. CU scored on their opening drive of the 3rd quarter and suddenly had a three point lead.

Fast forward to the 4th quarter with the game tied at 17, CSU driving in CU territory, 3rd and 8. Through a FOIA request, I was able to get the transcript of what was said between Coach Bobo and the $500,000 offensive coordinator:

Bobo: Big play here, what do you think?

OC: How about that play from last week against Minnesota that lost us the game?

Bobo: My god, that’s perfect.

Fast forward to CSU’s opening drive in overtime. CU is called for a targeting penalty, but CSU can’t move the ball from the 12 yard line. Field goal gets blocked when no one on the left side of the line decides to block anyone. I’m done talking about this game

Now that I think about it, I ranked this game wrong. This might be the worst loss of the Bobo Era. We outgained them and dominated time of possession, but -2 on turnovers (including a pick-6) and three missed field goals. And that Sefo guy was involved. Yep, this was the worst.

The game is here if you hate yourself and want to watch it:

Jonathan Terry • Kicker • Redshirt Freshman • Castle Rock, CO

So far: Terry redshirted in 2018 and in 2019 he was “not on team roster”. I also was not on team roster in 2019, so I guess we have that in common.

What’s ahead: Not sure what’s going on at the kicker position. We currently only have two kickers on the roster (Terry and Joe DeLine) and neither have attempted a field goal at the college level. The only experienced kicker we have is Cayden Camper, and his status seems to be up in the air at this point. Maybe someone can call Boston College and see if they have a grad transfer kicker available?

Brewery nearest Castle Rock, Colorado: Rockyard Brewing Company

There are now six breweries in Castle Rock! I went with Rockyard because they’ve been around forever (1999) and I used to work in the office building across the parking lot and my old boss would buy me beers even though I was underage. Leadership!

I used to drink their Double Eagle Ale all the time, but it’s looks like they revamped their lineup and don’t make it any more.

Worst Yelp review for Rockyard:

Man, there are ton of one star reviews for this place, but Gary H’s was the best. Poor guy drove all the way down from Steamboat Springs just to have someone spill a beer on his baby. That’s just a funny thing to read. THEY SPILLED A BEER ON MY BABY.

I also like how one person found the review useful. I myself have a baby, perhaps I should avoid this establishment. **clicks Useful**

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #59

2017 Air Force, The No Punt Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 28, Air Force 45
• Line: CSU -9.5
• Venue: Multipurpose Stadium

Brand new stadium, 6-2 record, 4-0 in the Mountain West. It’s easy to forget how good things were going in 2017 and how quickly it all fell apart in three consecutive, agonizing weeks.

The No Punt Game rounds out the trifecta of shit sandwich games towards the end the 2017 season, including the Boise Choke Job and the Wyoming Snow Game, which we’ve already covered. This game ranks lower than those two on my scale of devastation because it didn’t involve blowing an historic lead, our Mountain West title hopes were still alive, and because The Bronze Boot is cooler than the Ram-Falcon Trophy.

Me and a lot of Ram fans that I know refer to this game as the “No Punt” game, but that’s a bit of a misnomer because the Falcons did indeed punt. Upon further review, they kneeled on the ball their last drive of the game and their punter proceeded to kick it 69 fucking yards because of course he did.

A look at Air Force’s Drive Summary:

• 11 plays, 75 yards, Touchdown
• 7 plays, 24 yards, Interception
• 13 plays, 75 yards, Touchdown
• 5 plays, 75 yards, Touchdown
• 5 plays, 13 yards, Halftime
• 17 plays, 72 yards, Field Goal
• 5 plays, 75 yards, Touchdown
• 13 plays, 98 yards, Touchdown
• 3 plays, -5 yards, Punt (WE DID IT!)

There is no other way to put it, that is the most dominating offensive performance ever. It is a perfect game. We’re not talking about fluky drives and short fields, the drove the length of the field on every single drive.

Worst part? This Air Force team wasn’t even that good. They’d finish the year 5-7. Their only other wins were against Virginia Military Institute (0-11), UNLV (5-7), UNR (3-9), and Utah State (6-7).

The game is here if you hate yourself and want to watch it:

Devin Phillips • Defensive Line • Junior • Monroe, LA

So far: If only recruiting the d-line was always this simple: recruit a 3-star DT, plug him in and have him start every game of his career. Phillips who has played in and started 22 games during his Freshman and Sophomore seasons. He doesn’t get the glory of filling up the box score, but the guy occupies blockers and is always healthy. One of the most important guys on the defense.

What’s ahead: More of the same. It remains to be seen exactly what role he’ll play in Coach Heater’s new defense, but it’s safe to say that he’ll be the centerpiece of the defensive line. It’s a little worrisome that Devin’s brother isn’t currently on the roster, so hopefully everything with the Phillips family is okay and Devin is still here in the fall.

Brewery nearest Monroe, Louisiana: Flying Tiger Brewery

Located in downtown Monroe, the brewery is named after the Flying Tigers air squadron from World War 2.

Worst Yelp review for Flying Tiger:

Well this isn’t very fun, the lowest review is four stars. I chose this one because it mentions a street magician and I think it’s time to start a dialogue about that: are street magicians really entertaining? Like… really? Does some guy wearing eye liner, dressed up like Robert Smith from The Cure, guessing the card behind my back count as “entertainment”?

And if you’re a magician, at what point do you consider yourself “street”? When you grow up in a rough neighborhood you either learn to fight, join a gang… or master the art of magic? I’m not buying it.

Ranking Every Game of the Mike Bobo Era, #60

2017 Wyoming, The Snow Game

• Final Score: Colorado State 13, Wyoming 16
• Line: -4
• Venue: Hoth Stadium

I hate losing to Wyoming. Truly fucking hate it. More than Colorado, more than Air Force, more than FCS teams. I remember falling in love with Coach McElwain when he told a story that after he lost his first game against Wyoming, he put the newspaper clipping on his wall and wrote “NEVER AGAIN” on it. Unfortunately, the Bobo regime could never fully duplicate that type of passion for the series. (Or at least make it translate to the field.)

The 109th version of the Border War saw the Rams at 4-1 in the Mountain West, controlling their own destiny for their first conference title since Sonny Lubick roamed the sidelines.

I won’t go through the details of the game because it was mainly a defensive struggle, so lets fast forward to 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter. Rams up 13-9, Wyoming with the ball. Wyoming’s All-Universe Pretty Boy All-Star Quarterback Josh Allen runs a keeper to the right when all of the sudden:

BOOM! Shun Johnson and Jordan Fogel team up to separate Allen from the ball and Max McDonald recovers. CSU ball! At that moment our win probability was 82% according to the big brains at ESPN, but CSU fans knew better. After a first down, CSU got stuck with a 4th-and-6. Deciding that he cant kick a field goal or throw a pass in the weather, Bobo decides to… run Rashaad Boddie up the middle? Why not punt there? There aren’t many times that fans want their team to punt, but damn, they should have punted.

Wyoming takes their short field and steamrolls through the Ram defense to a 16-13 lead. CSU goes three and out on their next drive and punts. CSU would never see the ball again.

A game CSU had every chance to win, they gave away. Going up to Laramie and beating their superstar QB and bringing home The Boot in a friggin blizzard; how epic would that have been?

But instead, hopes of a MW title? Down the toilet. The Bronze Boot? Staying in the hinterlands. Livers in Fort Collins and across the Centennial State? Obliterated.

The “Those kids from the south aren’t tough enough to play in the snow!” and the “Out of state kids don’t care about our rivalries!” narratives went into overdrive after this game, which are always pleasant and constructive conversations to have.

Here’s the full game if you hate yourself and want to watch it: